The Veil of Self-Doubt

Dear Lord; Happy Wednesday Father!

You know Lord, it always brings a smile to my face when I have one of those moments when I realize you’re trying to tell me something.  🙂

I spent some time today with a friend who’s been going through a series of rough personal situations over the last year or so.  I’m not at liberty to go into much detail here as it was a private conversation, but You know who she is Father.  We chatted for a while about the issues she’s been facing, how her life has changed over the past year, and the overall feelings of futility and frustration that have been troubling her as of late.  I tried to give her an outside perspective of things, and reinforced the hope that she could look at these life-changes as opportunities, and to grow stronger from her trials.  She seemed a little more upbeat by the time I left, but she certainly has a winding road ahead of her.

The one thing that stood out for me from our conversation though Father, was the lack of self-worth she portrayed.  She’s a beautiful, sweet, intelligent lady but with all that she’s been through her impression of herself seems to have taken a pretty significant hit.

Back in my office a little later in the day, I sat down to write out some thoughts for today’s discussion with You, and suddenly I had a strong urge to see what I’d posted on this date last year.  Although I hadn’t fully started writing full-length blog entries at that point Father, I was posting some “Quick Notes to God” on my Facebook wall every couple of days.  The entry for August 31, 2010 read:

Dear Lord; Sometimes, when it feels as if the world is on our shoulders, it’s very difficult to see ourselves in a positive light. May all those in the throes of turmoil see themselves, if just for a moment, through Your loving eyes and know that warmth and peace. Amen. ~Phather Phil

I love it when You do this to me Father.  🙂

We all suffer from a lack of confidence and feelings of self-doubt now and again, but there are three very important truths we can use to combat those emotions:

1. We’re not alone.  Friends, family and our Brothers and Sisters in Christ are some of Your most powerful Blessings to us Father.  You gave us one another to lean on in times of trial, to mourn with in sadness, and to celebrate with in times of joy.

2. You believe in us.  We are completely Your creations Lord; fearfully and wonderfully made, and You know what we’re capable of.  Although our flawed natures may allow fear and doubt to creep in, You never lose confidence in us.

3. When we place our burdens at the foot of the Cross, You give us the strength we need.  Sometimes it’s difficult to remember when we’re engulfed by stress, but we’re not meant to do this by ourselves.  You’re bigger than anything we could possibly face, and when we open our hearts to Your guidance, we find the path forward.

Heavenly Father, please help us pierce the veil of self-doubt that can cloud our perception of ourselves.  Wrap us in Your presence, and let us move forward with the knowledge that through all the trials we face in our lives, You’re always by our side.

We are special, we are loved, and we are Yours Father.

Amen.

~Phather Phil

Praying in Arrogance

Dear Lord; Happy Tuesday Father!

I love when You place things on my heart Lord… I gain so much perspective from those moments.

As You know, I’ve been in “worry mode” lately Father; worried about the business not doing as well as I’d like, worried about the kids being prepared to go back to school, worried about not having medical insurance at the moment, and worried that all this worrying is getting in the way of my hearing You clearly.  And although I’m usually able to squelch those feelings by focusing on the many Blessings in my life, I’ll admit to having allowed those negative emotions to overwhelm me more than once in recent days.  This morning was one of those instances.

Thankfully, You decided it was time to get my attention.

Driving to an appointment this morning, my thoughts were churning; systematically cycling through all of the complications the past month had brought.  I felt weighted, and edgy, and my temples throbbed in sympathetic rhythm with my pounding chest.  I’d almost reached my destination, when You abruptly interrupted my train of thought…

“Turn your worries into prayers.”  You whispered.

“But I have prayed about them…” I thought to myself.  “Haven’t I??”

And then the light bulb went off… Ouch.

I realized that although I’ve been praying Father, it’s not always been from the right perspective.  Instead of first giving You thanks, and then praying for Your direction in fulfilling Your desires for my life, I’ve instead allowed my worries, fears and anxieties to dictate my prayers.  I’ve prayed for what I believed would be the best solutions to my problems, when I should have placed these situations fully in Your hands, and listened for Your guidance as to the proper path to take.  I was praying for what I wanted to happen, instead of to be a part of what You wanted to happen.

I hadn’t realized I was praying in arrogance Father…  Please forgive me.

Heavenly Father, please fill me with Your divine perspective that I may look to Your counsel first, and then act on Your behalf.  I’m very much a work in progress Lord, and my deepest desire is to grow closer to You with each passing day.

More of You Father… Less of me.

In Jesus’ Name we pray,

Amen.

~Phather Phil

Meditations Monday: Gentle Instruction

Dear Lord; Happy Meditations Monday Father!

Well Father, life is beginning to return to normal here in Delaware following the excitement surrounding Hurricane Irene this past weekend.  And while this particular storm wasn’t nearly as powerful as many that strike other parts of the country, for an underprepared East Coast which seldom sees weather of that nature, it was a challenge nonetheless.  Needless to say Lord, it made for an eventful weekend and one we won’t forget anytime soon.  For those dealing with damage, pain or loss from this climactic onslaught, I pray that You keep them intently in Your gaze and bring them the comfort and healing only Your presence is able to.

This week’s Meditations Monday Scripture comes from the second chapter of 2^nd Timothy:

“Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.  And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.  Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.” – 2 Timothy 2:23-26 (NIV)

Well Father, the Apostle Paul certainly wasn’t subtle about Your will on this particular subject, and yet this is one of those “problem areas” that I know we’re all guilty of upon occasion.  Paul’s point that the nit-picking, “little” things we choose to let get under our skin, more often than not lead only to ungodly conflict.  And when we allow ourselves to be a part of such unimportant disagreements, we stray from Your desire as to how we should act towards others; with kindness, patience and respect.  I know that over the years I’ve certainly lost my composure with people more than a few times Father, and in doing so I failed to take advantage of those opportunities to show Your influence in my life.

It’s something I’ll be praying about this week Lord…

Heavenly Father,

As we begin this new week, please help focus our hearts and minds to best serve Your will for us.  Calm our tumultuous natures, and guide us to provide that “gentle instruction” to those around us that are in need of Your light.

Amen.

~Phather Phil

Truly Special People

Dear Lord; Happy Wednesday Father!

This morning Father, the Malmstrom home was a flurry of activity.  Jonathan and Aidan eagerly prepared for their first day of the new school year, and Shannon got herself ready for the first day in her new full-time position as a Para-Educator at the school as well.  As we’ve discussed many times Lord, I’m very proud of my wife, and love seeing her so excited to take this step.

And with the vision of her smile drifting through my mind, my prayers this morning have been focused on Shannon and all the other educators that strive daily to prepare our children for the future.  Teachers are truly special people Father, and I thank You for instilling that love and sense of commitment in their hearts.

With that thought on my heart Lord, I’d like to close today with a prayer I found this morning.  It appears to originate from the United Church of Christ’s website, although I wasn’t able to track down a specific author.  It’s entitled “A Prayer for Teachers”:

God of Love, Thank you for every teacher who notices a child’s special gift. Thank you for teachers who are listeners and gentle guides. Thank you for teachers who expect much and love enough to demand more. Thank you for the special teacher each one of us remembers.

God of Mercy, Sustain teachers who give everything they have and feel abandoned when society expects too much. Strengthen teachers who assume the blame for so many problems beyond their control. Help exhausted teachers rest.

God of Strength, Encourage teachers to care and inspire them to nourish. Motivate teachers to keep on learning for the fun of it and to make learning fun for children.

We wonder at teachers who know how to quiet a class of five-year-olds or help fourth grade girls be empathetic. We admire teachers who enjoy middle school writers, or teach physics or math or civics. We cannot even imagine how to help every single student achieve Adequate Yearly Progress. Bless the people who are expected to accomplish these miracles and who know how to comfort children when miracles don’t happen.

God of Justice, help our nation find a way to steward our vast wealth to support teachers in their special calling, wherever they teach and whatever the race or religion or gender or wealth of the children.

We pray these things in the name of our Great Teacher, Jesus Christ.

Amen.

~Phather Phil

Meditations Monday: Back to School

Dear Lord; Happy Meditations Monday Father!

To begin our week’s conversations Lord, I first want to give You thanks for the Blessings You granted me this past weekend.  Although a busy couple days to be sure, I was Blessed to spend them in the company of family and friends.  I regularly find myself overwhelmed by the gifts You bring to my life, and thank You for Your continued Presence.  I am indeed Blessed.

Well Father, this Wednesday marks the return to classes for Jonathan and Aidan.  And while they’re a little disappointed that the freedoms of summer are waning, they’re both very excited to dive into a new school year’s “education adventure”.  With that thought in mind, I decided to focus this week’s Meditations Monday Scripture selections on what Your Word has to say about the advancement of knowledge:

…That the path of learning is important to both our head, and our heart:

The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge,
for the ears of the wise seek it out. – Proverbs 18:15 (NIV)

…That putting our children on the proper path will help guide their future:

Start children off on the way they should go,
and even when they are old they will not turn from it. – Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

…That wisdom, understanding and knowledge work together to make our lives fuller:

By wisdom a house is built,
and through understanding it is established;

through knowledge its rooms are filled
with rare and beautiful treasures. – Proverbs 24:3-4 (NIV)

Heavenly Father, as our children begin another year’s schooling, please keep Your watchful gaze upon them.  Please help them not only to absorb what they’re taught, but to apply that knowledge towards fulfilling Your desires for their lives.  Open their minds and their hearts, and fill them with that thirst for wisdom that only You can instill.  Lead them Teacher, that they may grow both in this earthly realm, and in Your Kingdom as well.

In Jesus’ Name we pray,

Amen.

~Phather Phil