So Much to Accept

Dear Lord; Happy Tuesday Father!

As you know Lord, at the beginning of the year instead of making New Year’s resolutions, I chose to take part in an exercise intended to provide a more focused perspective on the year ahead.  The concept was to pray intently for Your Guidance in choosing a single word to serve as a primary component of my life in the coming months.  And although I came up with a number of words that I personally felt fit areas I needed improvement on, You repeatedly placed the same word in my heart over and over…

Accept.

Well Father, I may not have completely agreed with Your Word Choice when You impressed it upon me, but looking back over events of the last five months I can honestly now say… Ok, I get it.

Here are some of the ways Your Word Choice has presented itself in my life:

I’ve come to Accept that I can’t fix everything, and that I need the assistance of others (this one’s been tough for me in many ways).

I’ve learned to listen for Your Guidance more carefully, and Accept the direction that’s given.

I’ve Accepted that Your Assistance to us comes from many places and in a variety of forms, and that our true Blessings may not always be those most obvious to us.

I’ve Accepted that the path I’ve laid out for myself may not necessarily be the one You Intend for me, and I’m excited to see Your Will unfolding in my life.

It appears I had more that I needed to Accept than I thought I did… 🙂

Heavenly Father, I thank You for the direction and guidance You Bless me with each day.  As I pray to You each morning; Please help me make decisions today that best glorify Your Will, and guide me to be Your Hands and Feet to serve those around me.  Amen.

~Phather Phil

In Your Loving Arms

Dear Lord; Happy Monday Father!

Today Father, my heart grieves for the mother of one of Your Children who lost his battle with cancer yesterday, and has left us to join You in Your Kingdom.  His earthly trials are over Lord, and he triumphs in Your Presence, and for that my heart rejoices.  His mother, family and friends however have a piece missing from their lives that will mourn his passing nonetheless.  I pray for Your Healing and Comfort to all those missing Dorian’s light today Father, and ask that You keep them in Your Loving Arms so they may know the joy he’s experiencing with You now.

Searching for words of comfort Lord, I came across a poetic prayer written by Edgar A. Guest that touched my heart so deeply that I wanted to share it here:

A Child of Mine by Edgar A. Guest

“I’ll lend you for a little while
A child of mine,” God said,
“For you to have the while he lives,
And mourn for when he’s dead.

It may be six or seven years
Or twenty-two or three;
But will you ’till I call him back
Take care of him for me?

He’ll bring his charms to gladden you
And, should his stay be brief,
You’ll have his lovely memories
As a solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return;
But there are lessons taught below
I want this child to learn.

I’ve looked the whole world over
In search for teachers true;
And from the throngs that crowd life’s land,
I have chosen you.

Now, will you give him all your love
Nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to take
This lent child back again?”

I fancied that I heard them say:
“Dear Lord, Thy will be done.
For all the joys Thy child will bring
The risk of grief we’ll run.

We’ll shower him with tenderness,
We’ll love him while we may.
And for the happiness we’ve known
Forever grateful stay.

But should Thy angel call for him
Much sooner than we’ve planned,
We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand.”

Amen.

~Phather Phil

P.S. For those who haven’t been following Dorian’s struggle, his mother has a page at CaringBridge.org which can be found here.

Running on Fumes

Dear Lord; Happy Wednesday Father!

You know Father, I still find it amazing the ways You find to impress things upon my heart.  In today’s case for instance, my morning lesson came from the gas gauge on my dashboard.

I was on my way in to work, when the quiet of my morning ride was unceremoniously interrupted by a loud “ding!”.  Looking down at the dash, I realized that my trusty vehicle was trying to draw my attention to the fact that I was quite low on fuel.

“I’ll be ok” I thought… “I can keep going for a while yet.”

For some reason though, You seemed to feel that this was a good learning opportunity for me.

“You’ve felt that way before.” I heard You whisper.

Ouch!  I knew exactly what You’d meant by that too…

When I was in my early 20s, I knew everything.  I prided myself at always being one step ahead, always staying in control of every situation, and in never needing anyone’s help.  My life was a non-stop roller coaster of work, caring for a rapidly declining mother and grandfather, and one self-destructive relationship after another.  During that period I averaged three to four hours sleep a night, and many of those were obtained through alcohol induced collapse.  Yep, I had it all worked out… I could burn the candle at both ends and deal with whatever came my way.

I was running on fumes.

And like my truck Father, you can only function that way for so long before you just… stop.

In my case, the “dead on the side of the road” moment came with the onset and diagnosis of my son Jonathan’s disease shortly after he was born.  In one decisive stroke, I became painfully aware that I wasn’t as in control as I had disillusioned myself into believing.  I was lost, and terrified, and felt completely disconnected from what I had always held onto as being finite and real.

And yet Lord, in that humbling and pain, You began my rebirth.

Sometimes Father, as I’ve learned, we need to be stranded on the side of our spiritual road before we can begin the real journey.  Thankfully, You pick up hitchhikers.  🙂  Now I keep my “Faith Tank” full, and try to follow Your GPS to where You need me to be.  I don’t always get there directly, but I’m learning new roads each day.

Thank You for Your “Road Side Assistance” program Father.

Amen.

~Phather Phil

P.S. Today marks one year from the very first “Email to God” that I ever posted.  It was simply a tongue-in-cheek message sent to my Facebook Wall that read : “Dear Lord, we thank you for another day and all the blessings you have bestowed upon us. Just a note however, I think you left the water running last night… Amen.  ~Phather Phil” (It was a particularly rainy day.  🙂 )

In His Hand…

Dear Lord; Good evening Father!

Well Father, we certainly did talk a lot today.  From a rough start between Shannon and the kids this morning, to a fearful trip taking our dog Hunny to the Veterinarian this afternoon, I’ve had a lot of prayers in my heart and on my lips.  Thank You for staying by my side Lord… Your Presence was very apparent.

As You know Father, in our house we consider our pets part of the family.  Along with the two-legged members of the household, we have four little dogs, a kitten we took in last year, a couple aquatic turtles and a tank full of fish.  Needless to say Lord, life is abundant in our home at all times.

The two older dogs; Brandy who’s 17 and Hunny who just turned 16 have been exhibiting increasing symptoms of age as of late, so their care requirements have obviously increased.  Along with age however, last year we found out that Hunny has some additional medical issues as well.  It all began when she started having bouts of intermittent “hacking” coughs which would go on for several minutes.  We took her to the veterinarian, and after a number of tests and x-rays it was determined that she suffered from an enlarged heart which was beginning to affect her breathing.  We discussed options with the doctor, and although there was no cure for her condition there were some diet and exercise changes that we could make that would help extend her life and make her more comfortable as well.  She responded well to the changes, and while the cough still showed up from time to time, she appeared to be doing better…

Until last week.

The cough came back, with a vengeance.  This time though, it wasn’t restricted to intermittent bouts of coughing, but hours of deep, throaty hacking.  We tried to keep her calm and comfortable, but the symptoms continued to worsen.  As of last night, the cough was continuous and nothing I could do seemed to help her.  She finally collapsed into sleep after hours of obvious discomfort.

Needless to say Father, rest didn’t come easy for me last night.  I know You heard me, both in my prayers and the pleas I kept silent as well.

I arranged an appointment for Hunny to be seen this afternoon, fully aware of the potential of what could be needed.  The possibilities weighed on my heart Lord, but I felt You with me on that long ride; reminding me that You were with me, that Hunny was Your Creation, and that whatever the outcome that You cared for her.

“In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.” – Job 12:10

I’m thankful Father, that Your Voice is always there to comfort and guide me, and that the doctor’s examination showed some room for optimism that she’ll be with us for a bit longer.  We were sent home with some medication to help her breathe, to fight off a bronchial infection, and to get some rest.  While I know that her condition won’t go away, it’s a Blessing that we don’t have to lose her just yet.  🙂

Heavenly Father, thank You for remaining ever-faithful and staying by my side each day.  In the shadow of having to make a difficult decision, It emboldened me to know that I had Your Divine Guidance to lead me.  I pray that Your Presence is felt by all those facing such uncertainty.  Amen.

~Phather Phil

Surrounded by Your Abundance

Dear Lord; Happy Monday Father!

You know Father, it’s funny; some days I have to think, and pray, and ponder at length about what to focus on with our conversation, and then there are days like today where I have so many directions I’d like to go that I don’t know where to start!

Therefore Father, to stay somewhat with tradition I decided to start out the week by giving thanks to You for the weekend.

Shannon had back-to-back music performances this weekend, so for the most part Saturday and Sunday it was just the boys and I.  The dogs had me up early Saturday morning, so after running them out I settled in on the couch with my coffee and was able to enjoy much of the Book of Deuteronomy without interruption.  Fresh, dark coffee and the Word… What a wonderful way to wake up!  🙂

After the rest of the family was up, we all got dressed and were able to have lunch with Shannon before she had to head out to play viola at a wedding that afternoon.  Other than a few little household chores, the boys and I spent the rest of Saturday baking fresh cinnamon-sugar swirl bread, relaxing, watching Doctor Who episodes and simply appreciating our time together.  All in all, it was a nice, quiet day with my kids and I enjoyed it a great deal.

Sunday came, and Shannon was once again out the door first thing in the morning to another performance.  This is the last Symphony Concert she’ll have for quite a while as they break during the summer, so other than the work she does with the quartet she belongs to her weekend schedule should slow down a bit now.  Anyways, although the weather report looked quite threatening and the ominous sky appeared to support the forecast, we decided to risk getting rained on and headed out to Woodland Beach for a walk on the shore.

There’s always a wide variety of items to search through on Woodland Beach, but as we’d had a nasty thunderstorm come through the night before the sands were freshly filled with new treasures from the Delaware Bay.  Bits of colorful sea glass, shells and rocks of all size, shape and color covered our path.  Jonathan even brought a metal detector he’d received as a gift from his Grandfather a couple Christmases ago, and he and Aidan had a wonderful time chasing the “blips” and “bleeps” it made.  While we won’t be able to retire on the “riches” they unearthed (a corroded cell-phone battery, and a couple rusted chunks of metal from the old pier), they had an absolutely fantastic time which in my book is priceless nonetheless.

While Aidan started out looking for bits of sea glass, Jonathan quickly got his attention when his metal detector started indicating it found something beneath the sand.

The boys had a great time digging in the sand chasing down the source of the signals the detector picked up.

After we’d combed the nearby stretch of beach quite thoroughly, the boys and I hopped back in the truck and headed off to take a look at a new stretch of shoreline we’d heard about from a friend of mine.  We arrived at Port Mahon about a half-hour later; a virtually forgotten area that was obviously much more heavily used in years gone by.  The road was barely there, and I was quite thankful for my SUV’s four-wheel-drive keeping us from being stuck in the sand and gravel.  Rusting buffers and weathered, mussel-covered wooden piles lined the shore, now serving as lookouts for the wonderful variety of birds that swarmed the area.  It was a photographer’s paradise, and although I could have spent hours there capturing the essence of this waylaid port, our stomachs reminded us that we were overdue for sustenance, and we were forced to head home.  Thankfully however, this new discovery of nature is only around 25 minutes from our home, so we’re already planning a return trip soon.

One of the best parts of our visit to Port Mahon was the abundant wildlife, most obviously the shore birds that were all around.  I took a number of shots of this little fellow, but this was my favorite.

These two looking out over the water brought the movie “Finding Nemo” to mind for some reason… Mine?  Mine?  😉

Once back at the house, the boys cleaned up while I cooked up a “Breakfast for Dinner” feast for us.  While we enjoyed that repast, we watched the live streaming message put on by Cross Point Church at crosspoint.tv.  It was an excellent service, and a perfect way to close out the day’s activities.

Heavenly Father, thank You for yet another wonderful weekend with my family and friends.  I feel truly Blessed to not only have this “bonding” time with my children, but to live nearby to so many wondrous examples of Your Abundance in nature.  I love seeing the light in my boys’ eyes as they explore and examine the world You’ve given us, and being able to share my appreciation of Your Gifts with them.  I pray that they grow knowing that wonder, and remember these times with Your Love in their hearts.  Amen.

~Phather Phil