Mercies in Disguise

Dear Lord; Happy Friday Father!

Ten years Lord… Ten years.

Thank You… Thank You… Thank You… Thank You!

This weekend Father, as You’re aware, we’re celebrating 10 years that our oldest son Jonathan has been off of chemotherapy, and other than for a few atypical skin irregularities that were removed as a safety measure, in remission.

While we live each day knowing that there’s still no cure for his disease (Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis), and that it could rear it’s ugly head at any time, we also know that we rest in Your Healing Hands and that even in our darkest moments of despair, You were always with us.  I realize that our earthly lives are temporary and precious gifts Father, and I thank You from the bottom my heart for continuing to Bless us with Jonathan’s presence here among us.

Driving in to work this morning, I was listening to a song called “Blessings” sung by Laura Story.  Although I’d heard it before, for some reason the lyrics struck a chord in my heart today and very much fit in with the thoughts I’ve been having about that first 14 months of Jonathan’s life.  The chorus states:

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

It’s that last line that gets me Lord… What if…

I know one thing for sure Father, the trials we endured during that terrifying time have irrevocably changed us.  In my case, You took that tragedy and used it as a starting point for my path back to You.  In the pit of my anguish, You saved me, and exposed me to lessons I desperately needed to learn.  Much of my life since that time has been shaped by those painful, joyous teachings, and for that I thank You.

Heavenly Father, we rejoice in the Blessing of health You’ve granted our son Jonathan these past ten years.  I pray that You continue to keep him in Your Loving Arms, and that Your Healing and Comfort is felt by others who are going through such trials.  Amen.

~Phather Phil

P.S.  For those reading this who may not be familiar with Jonathan’s story, I’ve written articles about it on several occasions, including : “Then and Now, Lessons Learned” and “I’m Sorry, and Thank You”.

Hidden Treasure

Dear Lord; Happy Wednesday Father!

You know Father, I love the surprise Blessings and little bits of insight You present me with…

Last week, Shannon and I were digging through our basement in search of items to sell at the community yard sale, when we came across a box we hadn’t seen before.  It really didn’t shock me that there were boxes we hadn’t opened down there, as after my mother and grandfather passed away, the contents of both houses were packed up and split between my brother Chris and I.  Shortly thereafter, Shannon and I moved and the untouched containers moved as well.

Anyways, we opened the box and were presented with a number of items which had obviously come from my grandfather’s house.  At first glance, there didn’t seem to be anything of specific note, until we found a small cloth bag nestled in with some old silverware.  Inside the bag we found around 25 pieces of broken, tarnished spoons and forks lovingly wrapped and put aside.  The patterns and styles of the pieces were varied, they were worn and damaged, and none of them seemed to fit together in any way but for some reason they had been segregated from the rest and carefully put aside all the same.  As we looked over them in greater detail, we realized that they all had one thing in common; they were all marked “Sterling”.

A quick Internet lookup confirmed our suspicion; those broken, worn, tarnished pieces were hidden treasure.  🙂

Early this week I made some phone calls, and found a local metals dealer who gave us an excellent price for the pieces.  As this has been a financially difficult year, this was a truly amazing Blessing to us and came at the perfect time.

Then tonight Father, I realized the parallel in this story…

By ourselves we’re broken, and tarnished, and damaged and yet, through Your Grace we’re made precious, and wanted and valuable.  Like my grandfather did with those unwanted spoons, You see beyond our outward appearance and brokenness and nurture the hidden treasures inside us.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for the Blessings You Grace us with each day.  Although we are truly undeserving, through Your Mercy we’re drawn into Your Embrace and made whole.  I pray that, even if only for a moment, we’re able to see ourselves through Your Eyes and find that Hidden Treasure that You have placed inside each of us.  Amen.

~Phather Phil

So Much to Accept

Dear Lord; Happy Tuesday Father!

As you know Lord, at the beginning of the year instead of making New Year’s resolutions, I chose to take part in an exercise intended to provide a more focused perspective on the year ahead.  The concept was to pray intently for Your Guidance in choosing a single word to serve as a primary component of my life in the coming months.  And although I came up with a number of words that I personally felt fit areas I needed improvement on, You repeatedly placed the same word in my heart over and over…

Accept.

Well Father, I may not have completely agreed with Your Word Choice when You impressed it upon me, but looking back over events of the last five months I can honestly now say… Ok, I get it.

Here are some of the ways Your Word Choice has presented itself in my life:

I’ve come to Accept that I can’t fix everything, and that I need the assistance of others (this one’s been tough for me in many ways).

I’ve learned to listen for Your Guidance more carefully, and Accept the direction that’s given.

I’ve Accepted that Your Assistance to us comes from many places and in a variety of forms, and that our true Blessings may not always be those most obvious to us.

I’ve Accepted that the path I’ve laid out for myself may not necessarily be the one You Intend for me, and I’m excited to see Your Will unfolding in my life.

It appears I had more that I needed to Accept than I thought I did… 🙂

Heavenly Father, I thank You for the direction and guidance You Bless me with each day.  As I pray to You each morning; Please help me make decisions today that best glorify Your Will, and guide me to be Your Hands and Feet to serve those around me.  Amen.

~Phather Phil

In Your Loving Arms

Dear Lord; Happy Monday Father!

Today Father, my heart grieves for the mother of one of Your Children who lost his battle with cancer yesterday, and has left us to join You in Your Kingdom.  His earthly trials are over Lord, and he triumphs in Your Presence, and for that my heart rejoices.  His mother, family and friends however have a piece missing from their lives that will mourn his passing nonetheless.  I pray for Your Healing and Comfort to all those missing Dorian’s light today Father, and ask that You keep them in Your Loving Arms so they may know the joy he’s experiencing with You now.

Searching for words of comfort Lord, I came across a poetic prayer written by Edgar A. Guest that touched my heart so deeply that I wanted to share it here:

A Child of Mine by Edgar A. Guest

“I’ll lend you for a little while
A child of mine,” God said,
“For you to have the while he lives,
And mourn for when he’s dead.

It may be six or seven years
Or twenty-two or three;
But will you ’till I call him back
Take care of him for me?

He’ll bring his charms to gladden you
And, should his stay be brief,
You’ll have his lovely memories
As a solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return;
But there are lessons taught below
I want this child to learn.

I’ve looked the whole world over
In search for teachers true;
And from the throngs that crowd life’s land,
I have chosen you.

Now, will you give him all your love
Nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to take
This lent child back again?”

I fancied that I heard them say:
“Dear Lord, Thy will be done.
For all the joys Thy child will bring
The risk of grief we’ll run.

We’ll shower him with tenderness,
We’ll love him while we may.
And for the happiness we’ve known
Forever grateful stay.

But should Thy angel call for him
Much sooner than we’ve planned,
We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand.”

Amen.

~Phather Phil

P.S. For those who haven’t been following Dorian’s struggle, his mother has a page at CaringBridge.org which can be found here.

Running on Fumes

Dear Lord; Happy Wednesday Father!

You know Father, I still find it amazing the ways You find to impress things upon my heart.  In today’s case for instance, my morning lesson came from the gas gauge on my dashboard.

I was on my way in to work, when the quiet of my morning ride was unceremoniously interrupted by a loud “ding!”.  Looking down at the dash, I realized that my trusty vehicle was trying to draw my attention to the fact that I was quite low on fuel.

“I’ll be ok” I thought… “I can keep going for a while yet.”

For some reason though, You seemed to feel that this was a good learning opportunity for me.

“You’ve felt that way before.” I heard You whisper.

Ouch!  I knew exactly what You’d meant by that too…

When I was in my early 20s, I knew everything.  I prided myself at always being one step ahead, always staying in control of every situation, and in never needing anyone’s help.  My life was a non-stop roller coaster of work, caring for a rapidly declining mother and grandfather, and one self-destructive relationship after another.  During that period I averaged three to four hours sleep a night, and many of those were obtained through alcohol induced collapse.  Yep, I had it all worked out… I could burn the candle at both ends and deal with whatever came my way.

I was running on fumes.

And like my truck Father, you can only function that way for so long before you just… stop.

In my case, the “dead on the side of the road” moment came with the onset and diagnosis of my son Jonathan’s disease shortly after he was born.  In one decisive stroke, I became painfully aware that I wasn’t as in control as I had disillusioned myself into believing.  I was lost, and terrified, and felt completely disconnected from what I had always held onto as being finite and real.

And yet Lord, in that humbling and pain, You began my rebirth.

Sometimes Father, as I’ve learned, we need to be stranded on the side of our spiritual road before we can begin the real journey.  Thankfully, You pick up hitchhikers.  🙂  Now I keep my “Faith Tank” full, and try to follow Your GPS to where You need me to be.  I don’t always get there directly, but I’m learning new roads each day.

Thank You for Your “Road Side Assistance” program Father.

Amen.

~Phather Phil

P.S. Today marks one year from the very first “Email to God” that I ever posted.  It was simply a tongue-in-cheek message sent to my Facebook Wall that read : “Dear Lord, we thank you for another day and all the blessings you have bestowed upon us. Just a note however, I think you left the water running last night… Amen.  ~Phather Phil” (It was a particularly rainy day.  🙂 )