Making “What Ifs” into Amens

Dear Lord; Happy Monday Father!

First off Father, I want to thank You for the weekend.  As we discussed Friday, Shannon and I both went into it sick and we ended up spending most of the weekend inside.  I did manage to sneak out a couple hours on Saturday with Jonathan for a trip to Barnes & Noble, and made a quick grocery run on Sunday but other than that it was a quiet, reserved couple of days.  Thankfully, Shannon and I seem to be on the upside of this bug, but it’s obviously going to take a few more days to completely clear out.  Either way, although our weekend didn’t exactly go as we planned I did get to spend lots of quality time with my family.  🙂

And then, Monday happened.

We were actually doing unusually well for a Monday morning Father.  Everyone got up on time, got things together and out the door on schedule, and we made it to the kids’ school with time to spare.  About 10 minutes after dropping them off however, came the call…

With no warning, Jonathan had vomited on his way to class.  ~sigh~

I dropped my things at the office, and made my way back to school to retrieve him.  He’d been complaining about some headaches for the last week or so, but other than that this was the only symptom he presented with.  Unfortunately, because he still has a VP shunt in place we have to look at those two particular symptoms very carefully as they can indicate problems with it’s operation.  I picked him up, made a call, and off to the pediatrician we went.

The wait to be seen at the doctor’s office was typical for a Monday morning; a little over an hour.  We sat waiting in the truck (the office lobby was full), me spending time reading in Exodus on my Nook Color (I’m really enjoying my new toy) while Jonathan quietly played a puzzle game on my phone.  When we finally got in to see the doctor the appointment was short and to the point, and we were quickly sent next door to have some sinus x-rays done.  Those too, went without issue and about an hour later we received a call from the doctor indicating that his sinuses looked perfectly clear, and that if his symptoms persisted we would need to have Jonathan evaluated by his neurologist.

So… No immediate answers; just more questions.

Each time we get a reminder of Jonathan’s unique medical needs Father, it’s a vibrant flashback to some very scary times.  For the most part, we’ve slipped back into “normality” in regards to his health; sniffles are just sniffles, not a trip to the emergency room at 2AM.  When situations like this come up though, we’re thrust back into the world of the unknown and the “what if” scenarios.  It’s a place we know far too well, and pray often to avoid.

And yet Father, I know in my heart that You’re with him.  And armed with that bit of Truth, those “what ifs” aren’t nearly as frightening as they once were.

I still worry of course.  That’s my job as his father, and I love him dearly.  You’ve entrusted him to our care, and I’ll do whatever is required of me to honor that assignment.  However, knowing that all the while he’s in Your Loving Arms brings amazing peace to my spirit.  Thank You for that confidence Lord.

Heavenly Father, please continue to watch over Jonathan and bring to him Your Healing Touch.  I thank You for the comfort of Your Presence, and pray that all those in need of reassurance can also feel that peace.  Through Your Love Father, “what ifs” can truly become Amens.  Amen.

~Phather Phil

Thankful Thursdays: Friendships

Dear Lord; Good evening Father!

Following the example I began last week Lord, today I’m celebrating another “Thankful Thursday” here at phatherphil.org.  While I’m truly thankful all week long, I love the idea of spending our time together one day each week focusing my prayers on one particular Blessing that You’ve granted me.  If nothing else, with all the love You’ve shown me Father, I should have enough material for an infinite number of Thursdays!  🙂

“When we consider the blessings of God–the gifts that add beauty and joy to our lives, that enable us to keep going through stretches of boredom and even suffering–friendship is very near the top.” – Donald W. McCullough, Mastering Personal Growth

Friendships have been at the forefront of my heart this past week Lord.  Over the years, you’ve brought some truly amazing and wonderful people into my life.   Some are still nearby, some have moved away and some have passed on to Your Kingdom, but all have left indelible footprints on my path.  From these vessels of Your choosing Lord, I’ve gained wisdom, acceptance, fellowship and encouragement.

You’ve even used technology to connect us Father.  Thanks to the staggering growth of the Internet, it seems as though no corner of the world is outside our reach these days.  Through this conduit, I’ve been Blessed to connect with many beautiful souls whom I likely would never have encountered otherwise.  Your Children in this “global fellowship” give me fresh perspective and inspiration, and have enriched my journey to no end.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for the many friendships and fellowships You’ve Blessed me with.  I am a better man, and a better Child of God for those relationships.

“Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:

If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV)

Amen.

~Phather Phil

Then and Now, Lessons Learned

Dear Lord; Good evening Father!

For some time now Father, I’ve been feeling like You’ve been preparing me for something; teaching me hard lessons, tempering my faith and yet at the same time guiding me towards a destination somewhere “outside my box”.  You’ve whispered messages of encouragement and direction into my heart, but as I called them in yesterday’s chat all those “puzzle pieces” just haven’t quite fit together yet.  You told me there would be change in my life, You told me to “Expect something wonderful” and over and over again You told me to be steadfast and have Faith.  I won’t sugar coat it Lord… The last year or so has been extremely difficult for me.  But Father, somewhere during this time of trials something strange happened…

I found that I actually became more thankful for Your Blessings in my life, and have grown closer to You in the process.

I got to thinking about this quite a bit today, and I realized that it wasn’t the first time You’ve used hardships to teach me something important.  In fact, the first time was what I consider to be the lowest point in my life and at the same time, the beginning of my understanding of what true Blessings are.

On December 14, 1999, you gave to us a wonderful, beautiful little boy whom we named Jonathan.  As we’d been told for years that we couldn’t have our own biological children, Jonathan was deemed our “miracle baby”; little did we know how true that description was.

At Jonathan’s 10-week checkup, the pediatrician noticed that he looked awfully pale so she ordered some blood tests to be done.  A few hours later in a flurry of anxious phone calls we were sent directly to A.I. Dupont Hospital for Children’s Oncology / Hematology department for an emergency appointment.  The next several weeks to follow were to be honest, a blur.  Test after test was done, and yet answers still seemed just out of everyone’s reach while terms like Leukemia, Anemia and Spherocytosis were tossed about between the physicians.  Finally, on March 19^th (coincidentally my 30^th birthday) we were given the grim diagnosis.  Jonathan had a rare disease called Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis, and it had infiltrated multiple systems in his tiny little body.  While the doctors were hesitant to give us any specifics about his prognosis, we were quietly informed that based on how far the disease had spread and the lack of information about it they gave him a 10 to 20% chance at best.

Shannon and I were absolutely devastated.  I was lost Father, and hurt, and angry… oh was I angry.

You had started to bring me to You that day Father, although I didn’t know it at the time.  We spent the majority of our time over the next 14 months living at the hospital, clinging to his life with all we had.  From rounds of chemotherapy and steroids, to surgeries, to recovery protocols we stayed fast and hung our lives on every change in his condition.

I’d love to say that I prayed long, deep, faithful prayers Lord, but we both know that isn’t true.  I was consumed by grief, and anger and fear.  I have no doubt You were trying to talk to me then Father, but I was nothing resembling receptive.

And yet, You never left Jonathan’s side.  I was broken, and lost and still You remained ever-faithful.  Thank You so much for that Father.  🙂

It’s said that hindsight is 20/20, and in this case it’s an apt phrase.  When I look back at that terrifying period of uncertainty in our lives, I realize that I needed to be there.  In the midst of my darkest time, You were waving a lantern; pointing out things that had I not been forced to deal with, I would have never seen.  It was a transformational and pivotal point in my life Lord, and it completely altered the path I’d been on.  The lessons I learned in those years changed me in ways I’m still uncovering today.

Fast forward ten years time…

Life again took a new turn down the road of uncertainty.  Between severe economic nightmares, the unexpected death of my best friend and a seemingly unending set of problems, the last year has been the most stressful period I’ve had since Jonathan’s illness was diagnosed.  This time however, it’s different Father:

I know You’re here with me, ever-faithful, ever-vigilant.  Even in my turmoil, I feel Your Peace.

See Lord, I learn.  🙂

Heavenly Father, I thank You for faithfully guiding me down the path You have laid out for me.  Please keep my eyes open, my ears trained and my heart open for those whisperings You pass to me along the way.  Amen.

~Phather Phil

The Rainbow Connection

Dear Lord; Good morning Father!

As You’re undoubtedly aware Father, it’s a dreary, rainy day here in Delaware.  It’s just one of those mornings where I wake up, look outside, and seriously contemplate finding some excuse to crawl back under the covers.  Alas, today that wasn’t an option so out into the weather I went.

Driving into the office following teacher conferences at the boys’ school (which went very well… thank You!), I started contemplating the lingering clouds and falling rain a little bit more.  Like all of Your Gifts to us, the rain has a purpose; it supports and nourishes life, and cleanses the landscape it traverses.  While we may not always feel joyous when the weather shifts, it is one of Your Blessings to us all the same.

And then comes the rainbow…

“And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.  Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind.  Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.  Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”” – Genesis 9:12-16 (NIV)

I LOVE this Lord: a rainbow is the reminder of Your covenant with us.  What an amazing signature You have Father!  Noah must have had such a smile on his face seeing that first rainbow.  🙂

Today Father, You also placed on my heart the idea to start “Thankful Thursday” here on phatherphil.org.  The concept I had was that on each Thursday’s message to You, I’d close by listing some of the things I’ve been especially thankful for this week.  Just for curiosity’s sake, I did a quick Google search on the phrase and found that it was already something that was being done and coordinated on another site.  The site is a blog called “Grace Alone…”, and I’m pleased to link to her site today.

This week has been a hectic roller-coaster-ride Lord, but it’s funny that during those crazy days I find myself even more thankful for Your Blessings.  As this is the first “Thankful Thursday” entry for me, I’ll start with the most obvious and significant miracle in my life:

I’m extremely thankful for the unending support of my wonderful wife Shannon.  As You know Father, things have been difficult business-wise over the last several months.  Through every up-and-down, she’s always been there for me with words of comfort and encouragement.  Her love is an amazing gift Lord, and I feel truly Blessed having her as my wife.

There are so many other Blessings You grant me each day Lord, but we’ll start there.  🙂

Heavenly Father, I thank You for the cleansing rain and the vibrant reminder of Your Covenant that will soon follow.  I pray we can all see through the apparent gloom and witness Your Shining Majesty in each of our lives today.  Amen.

~Phather Phil

Listening Through the Anger

Dear Lord; Happy Monday Father!

First off Lord, I want to thank You for a lovely weekend surrounded by family and friends.  I was even able to get out with the kids for a photowalk in the forest, and enjoyed it very much.  All in all, it was a pleasant couple of days and I am truly thankful for You Blessing me with that respite.

Today Father, I’d like to discuss something I’ve seen more and more evidence of lately; People seem to be increasingly frustrated, angry and confrontational.  Now, I realize this is a gross generalization however it feels like the overall “threshold” of people’s tolerance and temperament is much lower than it has been in recent past.  Little everyday issues that could easily be talked through or handled with minimal effort are launching people into flashes of ire that are way out of proportion to the immediate cause.  We’re deluged with examples of it in the news, I’ve seen it when dealing with clients and vendors at my office, and even when observing the actions of other shoppers while out grocery shopping.  It’s getting tense down here Lord.

“Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.” – Psalm 37:8 (NIV)

I’ll admit that with all the increased stress I’ve been under professionally lately Father, I’ve been guilty of having a “shorter fuse” upon occasion, but You’re always very quick to remind me that’s not Your Way and I get back on track.  This being the case, it leads me to a significant concern…

Are there that many people that aren’t listening to You?

I’m quite afraid I already know the answer to that question, but I guess I hadn’t realized the scope of the issue.  I do know that I’ve come to depend on Your Voice and Presence in my life Father, almost like I need air to breathe.  You encourage me, sustain me and guide me throughout my day and I am forever thankful for Your Blessings.  Do I sometimes get upset anyways?  Absolutely!  I’m imperfect and flawed and I realize that.  Thankfully, when my humanly failings rear their ugly heads I have You to forgive me, bolster me and guide me back to Your Path.

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)

Heavenly Father, today I pray for all those who are lost and without the clarity to hear Your Comforting Voice.  Please calm their restless spirits, and clear away the self-imposed barriers in place which prevent them from Your Wondrous Counsel.  And Lord, please assist me in acting as an emissary of Your Word and in bringing Your Message to those in need.  Amen.

~Phather Phil