Out of the Valley

Dear Lord; Happy Tuesday Father!

“I’m a failure Father.

I’ve failed my family…

I’ve failed my friends…

And I’ve failed You…

I’m so sorry Lord… Please forgive me.”

Those words hung painfully in the quiet presence of the sanctuary at Ewell’s-St. Paul last Tuesday evening as I knelt at the altar, while the joyful sounds of children enjoying Vacation Bible School in the rooms below brought contrast to the silence.  Tears flowed freely down my cheeks as I looked up at Hofmann’s painting of Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane, realizing in anguish how distant I felt from You right at that moment.

The world had come crashing in around me; laying waste to the essence of my being with such force that I scarcely knew what direction to turn.  I felt beaten, and worthless, and in the midst of that weakness the enemy found me…

“You’ve let everybody down…

You’ve squandered the opportunities God gave you…

You’re a failure.”

And yes Father, at that moment I believed it; every whisper, every word.

I was ashamed Lord…

Ashamed of my impotence to resolve the current crises, but even more so that I believed myself unworthy and was unable to lay them at Your feet.  I’d separated myself from Your presence, and in that valley realized the true depth of my limitations.

I’d lost Your voice Father, and felt isolated and alone in my pain; defined not by my heavenly inheritance, but instead by my fragile humanity.

And yet, as I have so many times before Lord, on that altar covered in tear-stained apologies I began the journey out of that valley, and back to You.

No booming voice came from the sky to direct me…

My struggles and pain weren’t instantly silenced by Your divine hand…

And my heart still ached from the perception of my failings.

But kneeling in the quiet,

As the fading light of dusk gave life to shadow,

I knew that You were with me…

And that You still love me.

So with that truth as my guide Lord, I reach for You; climbing out of the valley one step at a time until Your heavenly light banishes these lies from my heart, and I’m reminded that I’m not defined by my worldly perceptions of failure, but instead through the love of my Heavenly Father.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen.

~Phather Phil

The Poison Within Us

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” – Matthew 5:21-24 (ESV)

Anger poisons our spirits.

Comparing a heart filled with anger to the act of murder, in this teaching Jesus makes a decisive and powerful statement about how seriously God looks at wrathful intent.  For us to truly commune with our Heavenly Father as He desires of us, we need to lay our resentment, hate and anger at the foot of the Cross and petition God’s attention with a joyful and open heart.

Thankful Thursday: Where He Was Truly Needed

Dear Lord; Happy Thankful Thursday Father!

You know Father, I truly love reading the Gospels.  In those pages I find myself enveloped in the personal, intimate nature of what Christ Jesus meant to the world, and gain essential perspective to help guide me in my earthly journey.

As an example, while reading in the Gospel of Mark today, I came to the passage which described Jesus spending time in the home of Levi (Matthew), a tax-gatherer for the Romans:

“And as he reclined at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners were reclining with Jesus and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”” – Mark 2:15-17 (ESV)

Now Father, while I understand the usual message derived from these verses deals with Jesus condemning the self-righteousness of the scribes asking the question, today You laid on my heart a different thought to take away from my reading…

“Reach out in love to ALL My Children, not just those you’re comfortable being around.”

I’ll admit Lord, I play it safe far too often; missing opportunities to connect with those outside of my “comfort zone”, and to share Your message of hope and love with them.

Jesus didn’t restrict His ministry to those places where He was comfortable or safe, He went where He was truly needed.

I’ll be working on this one Father… Message received.  🙂

Continuing to count my Blessings Lord; this past couple weeks have been witness to countless signs of Your love for me, but in the midst of it all I’ve been very grateful for:

586. Attending a fun Kids Construction workshop with the boys last weekend at Home Depot.

587. The opportunity to reach out and minister to someone in need last week.

588. The new Audrey Assad “Heart” CD that I can’t seem to stop listening to.

589. Completing a reading of the Old Testament from start to finish.

590. Having friends with truly open, giving hearts.

591. Two nights in a row of six hours contiguous, uninterrupted sleep.

592. Sharing my morning drives to work with a good friend.

593. Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Extra Wellness Tea.

594. A relatively easy and inexpensive repair for our squealing clothes dryer.

595. The early arrival of several unseasonably warm days.

596. Making significant progress on home repairs and cleaning this past week.

597. Gaining a more personal, intimate relationship with Jesus through the Gospels.

598. A beautiful preview of gifts to come.

599. Finding a buyer for my large aquarium that will truly appreciate it.

600. Divine reassurance that I’ve made a good decision.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You Lord, for the multitude of Blessings You grace our lives with each and every day; both those that announce Your presence with regal fanfare, and those that whisper Your influence quietly on the spring breeze.

In Jesus’ name we pray,

Amen.

~Phather Phil

Both You and I… Again.

Dear Lord; Happy Friday Father!

Today Lord, You’ve led me to repost an article I wrote on this date last year about remembering the life of a truly wonderful author on the anniversary of his birth.  His works have touched countless lives including those of mine and my children, and I’m honored to again share this tribute.

Father, today marks the birth of someone who greatly influenced my early years, as well as the lives of many other children throughout the world.  And while he’s no longer with us here, the legacy he left behind continues to inspire, educate and delight those who read his works.  I’m of course speaking of Theodor Seuss Geisel, better known by his pen name of Dr. Seuss.

While he made a point of not speaking to any one religion or group in his writings, his messages of tolerance, understanding and peace were obvious and recurring themes in the books he wrote.  Through whimsical characters, engaging stories and tongue-twisting rhymes he made learning fun while passing along the underlying positive messages to his young audience.  Even as an adult, I still get a smile reading his stories.

The one published exception to his self-imposed rule of not writing works with obvious religious connotations came in a full-page, full-color article in the December 23, 1955 issue of Collier’s Magazine, where he wrote “A Prayer for a Child”* :

“From here on earth,
From my small place
I ask of You
Way out in space:
Please tell all men
In every land
What You and I
Both understand . . .

Please tell all men
That Peace is Good.
That’s all
That need be understood
In every world
In Your great sky.

(We understand.
Both You and I.)” – Theodor Seuss Geisel

Heavenly Father, thank You for the gifts this man brought to me and to so many other children.  While his words may not specifically carry Your name, Your Light shone brightly through his works all the same.  Amen.

~Phather Phil

*The poem and image used are Trademark and Copyright of Dr. Seuss Enterprises, L.P.

Thankful Thursday: God Will Send the Rain

Dear Lord; Happy Thankful Thursday Father!

Well Father, it’s certainly been a little while since I’ve sat down and written to You.  And while our conversations haven’t diminished in the least, I have missed bringing the fruits of our time together to the written word.  So Lord, when You laid it on my heart today to share this post, it gave me a much needed early-morning smile.  🙂

Back in January Father, my family and I attended a viewing at our church of the movie “Facing the Giants”.  It was an absolutely excellent film, filled with inspiring messages and poignant reminders of where our true motivation and priorities should lie.  At one point in the movie, a statement was made that really captured my attention, and has stuck with me since…

“God will send the rain when He’s ready… You need to prepare your field to receive it.”

Such a simple truth Father, and yet one I’ve missed on so many occasions.  While I try to recognize Your many Blessings in my life and in the world around me, in many cases I’ve not been proactive in aggressively preparing myself to receive those gifts.  I want to live my life expecting Your presence at every turn Lord; sowing my seeds in earnest…

Knowing without a doubt that Your Heavenly rain is coming.

Such is my desire Father… Today and every day.

Continuing to count Your many Blessings in my life Lord; these past weeks have been truly filled with Your Grace, and I’ve been especially grateful for:

571. Being given 18 wonderful years with my dog Brandy.

572. A marriage that not only has grown us as a couple, but also allows us both to grow as individuals.

573. Bourbon manhattans with a splash of grenadine.

574. An absolutely beautiful, warm sunny drive into work this morning.

575. Our caring, compassionate veterinarian who made a very difficult situation much easier.

576. A beautiful Valentine’s Day dinner out with Shannon.

577. Seeing Your grace powerfully impacting the lives of some good friends.

578. That no matter what missteps we make or how far we fall, when we come to You we’re welcomed with open arms.

579. The amazing outpouring of encouragement and concern we received upon Brandy’s passing.

580. A number of significant new jobs this past couple weeks.

581. A good “check up” service on Shannon’s van with no major surprises.

582. Those people You place in our lives that connect to our hearts in truly powerful ways.

583. A fun night out with friends last Saturday night.

584. The view of the world I receive when I look through eyes cleansed by faith.

585. The healing power contained in the smile of a good friend.

Heavenly Father,

I thank You Lord, for the wondrous gifts You continue to Bless our lives with each and every day; both those that cause the Heavens to ring out in song, and those that whisper Your mighty love quietly from the shadows.

In Jesus’ name we pray,

Amen.

~Phather Phil