Remembering a Moment

Dear Lord; Sometimes Father, music can reach into our soul and touch our hearts in ways that words simply can’t.  Most people I know have one or more songs that just hit a raw nerve and evoke amazing emotional responses.  In my case, it has to do with one that I first heard shortly after Jonathan was born and we were living at A.I. Dupont Hospital for Children dealing with his Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis.  As You know, I spent each evening driving back and forth to the hospital to spend as much time with him and Shannon as I could while still keeping the bill collectors off our backs.  The radio was my friend on those long lonely rides, and one night while coming home a new song came on that I hadn’t heard before.  It was a dedication on the Delilah show for a man whose son was fighting cancer.  It didn’t hit me at first, but as I listened to the haunting music and lyrics my heart caved, tears started pouring from my eyes and I had to pull the truck over.  The song was by a Christian Artist named Mark Schultz and it was called He’s My Son.

There were a lot of life-changing moments during those years Father, and that was one of them.  I of course ended up buying the CD with that song on it, and have listened to it many times since (as well as the rest of the music on it… He’s quite good).  Thank You for bringing me that emotional release that night, and for speaking to me in the darkness.  Amen.  ~Phather Phil

Prayers of Thanks for My Wife

Dear Lord; I’d like to start this morning Father, by thanking You for giving my son Aidan a wonderful birthday weekend.  Your Presence and Guidance were very apparent throughout, and he had a fantastic time with family and friends.

As you’re aware Lord, this week we’re celebrating Thanksgiving so it seemed a logical thought to spend some time each day discussing something I’m thankful for.  Therefore, I’m going to start with one of the biggest Blessings in my life; my wonderful Wife Shannon.

Shannon is an integral piece of me Lord.  I revel in our time together, yearn for her when we’re apart and truly can’t imagine not having her in my life.  She’s my best friend, my lover and an amazing mother to my children.  She’s my conscience, and my balance.  She’s the brightest star in my sky, and my safe haven when the world seems too insane to continue.  She is my Angel, and I love her with every fiber of my being.  I am truly Thankful for You bringing us together, and for the Blessings You’ve bestowed on us throughout our time as Man and Wife.  Please continue to shine Your Light on her, Bless her and Keep her in Your Gaze so she may walk in Your Grace all her life.  Amen.  ~Phather Phil

On My Son’s Birthday

Dear Lord; Eight years ago today, You Blessed me with my youngest son Aidan.  He’s a remarkable child Lord, and although he’s extremely good at driving me crazy I love him to no end, and am VERY proud of him.  Thank You for the amazing Gift that he is, and for continuing to Bless our lives by having him in them.

As I sit contemplating the last eight years, it very much comes back to the email I sent you a couple of days ago.  Becoming a father has by far changed my life and directed my path more than any other single factor.  I imagine, in a limited way my love, cares, fears and wishes for my two boys must be similar to the way You feel for all Your Children.  I realize Your Perfect Love is infinitely more robust, but when I think about how deeply my two children affect me, my mind reels at the thought of being a Father to all the people of the world.  You are indeed a Wonderous God, and an amazing Father to us all.  Amen.  ~Phather Phil

I’m Sorry, and Thank You

Dear Lord; This morning, I want to apologize to You for something, and at the same time to thank You as well.

When my son Jonathan came into the world, he was born with a very rare and very serious disease called Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis which threatened to take him from us.  He was on chemotherapy and a variety of other stringent treatments starting at 10 weeks old, and we spent the following year and a half basically living in the Oncology Ward at A.I. Dupont Hospital for Children.  It was a terrifying time for my Wife and I, and we lived every day not knowing if he was going to be with us much longer.  Like many others have in that position, I asked You WHY, WHY, WHY were you doing this to us… No answer came.

While we were staying there, I was introduced to the Pastor for the Hospital.  He was a quiet man, and although he walked through a place where there was immeasurable sadness and suffering I remember that I always felt an aura of peacefulness around him.  He tried very much to comfort me at the time, but my heart was not ready to hear what he was saying, so I simply informed him that “God and I were having a difference of opinion at the moment as to what was and wasn’t reasonable.”  He smiled, and said that he understood but that when I was ready, he’d be there.  While I didn’t realize it at the time, this was the start of my Spiritual Awakening.

Time passed, and my little angel bucked all the odds and not only came through the treatments, but managed to thrive in the process.  He’ll be 11 soon, and has been in consistent remission for a little over 9 years.  He is very likely my greatest Blessing, and I thank You from the bottom of my soul for continuing to allow me to have him in my life.

Anyways, to get back to the statement I began the email with, during that period of my life I can honestly say that my Faith was at it’s lowest point.  I felt angry, tired, and persecuted and blamed You for all of it.  However, from all of the time we spent at A.I., my eyes were truly opened in a way that I never thought possible.  We witnessed tragedies, and miracles, and amazing acts of compassion and sacrifice.  What I came to realize was that while I was busy blaming You for all my fears and problems, You were actually teaching me about myself, and WHY my Faith is so important.  So Father, I’d like to apologize for my misdirected emotions, and at the same time Thank You for all you taught me through the process.  Amen.

~Phather Phil