More Than We Can Handle

Dear Lord; Good afternoon Father!

First off Lord, I want to thank You once again for bringing Your Healing Presence to Jonathan.  So far today he’s been doing well, with no immediate symptoms to note.  Please continue to keep him in Your Embrace, and watch over him.

Yesterday Father, while Jonathan and I were waiting for the doctor to see him I had a chance to finish my reading of the book of Exodus.  I know the story well, but this time one particular passage very much spoke to me and I’d like to share my thoughts on it today if I may.  The verses I’m describing come from Exodus 31:1-11:

“Then the Lord said to Moses, “See, I have chosen Bezalel son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah, and I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills— to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood, and to engage in all kinds of crafts. Moreover, I have appointed Oholiab son of Ahisamak, of the tribe of Dan, to help him. Also I have given ability to all the skilled workers to make everything I have commanded you: the tent of meeting, the ark of the covenant law with the atonement cover on it, and all the other furnishings of the tent— the table and its articles, the pure gold lampstand and all its accessories, the altar of incense, the altar of burnt offering and all its utensils, the basin with its stand— and also the woven garments, both the sacred garments for Aaron the priest and the garments for his sons when they serve as priests, and the anointing oil and fragrant incense for the Holy Place. They are to make them just as I commanded you.””

Now Lord, in the overall story of Exodus this may not seem like an overly vital or interesting passage, but two fragments just jumped off the page for me and got me thinking:

“…I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills…”

“Also I have given ability to all the skilled workers to make everything I have commanded you…”

During many stressful times in my life Lord, I’ve had people tell me that “God doesn’t give us any more than we can handle.” These verses actually put that statement in perspective for me quite nicely.

While speaking to Moses on the Holy Mountain, You gave him the designs for a number of staggeringly complex and detailed constructions to complete.  The specifications were exacting, and the project required significant craftsmanship, ability and skill for all those involved.  You knew this of course, and therefore gave them the resources and skills they needed to complete the tasks You set for them.

You didn’t give them more than they could handle.

I think sometimes Father, we miss this very important point.  If You give us a task to perform, You always make sure we have the tools, skills and resources we need to get it done.  We still may struggle and have to put forth a lot of effort, but in the end You never leave us without what we need if it’s truly Your Will.

What a reassuring thought that is Lord.  🙂

Heavenly Father, thank You for bringing me these essential life-lessons through Your Word.  I pray that in times of trial I remember that You are indeed by my side, and that You truly never give us more than we can handle.  Amen.

~Phather Phil

Making “What Ifs” into Amens

Dear Lord; Happy Monday Father!

First off Father, I want to thank You for the weekend.  As we discussed Friday, Shannon and I both went into it sick and we ended up spending most of the weekend inside.  I did manage to sneak out a couple hours on Saturday with Jonathan for a trip to Barnes & Noble, and made a quick grocery run on Sunday but other than that it was a quiet, reserved couple of days.  Thankfully, Shannon and I seem to be on the upside of this bug, but it’s obviously going to take a few more days to completely clear out.  Either way, although our weekend didn’t exactly go as we planned I did get to spend lots of quality time with my family.  🙂

And then, Monday happened.

We were actually doing unusually well for a Monday morning Father.  Everyone got up on time, got things together and out the door on schedule, and we made it to the kids’ school with time to spare.  About 10 minutes after dropping them off however, came the call…

With no warning, Jonathan had vomited on his way to class.  ~sigh~

I dropped my things at the office, and made my way back to school to retrieve him.  He’d been complaining about some headaches for the last week or so, but other than that this was the only symptom he presented with.  Unfortunately, because he still has a VP shunt in place we have to look at those two particular symptoms very carefully as they can indicate problems with it’s operation.  I picked him up, made a call, and off to the pediatrician we went.

The wait to be seen at the doctor’s office was typical for a Monday morning; a little over an hour.  We sat waiting in the truck (the office lobby was full), me spending time reading in Exodus on my Nook Color (I’m really enjoying my new toy) while Jonathan quietly played a puzzle game on my phone.  When we finally got in to see the doctor the appointment was short and to the point, and we were quickly sent next door to have some sinus x-rays done.  Those too, went without issue and about an hour later we received a call from the doctor indicating that his sinuses looked perfectly clear, and that if his symptoms persisted we would need to have Jonathan evaluated by his neurologist.

So… No immediate answers; just more questions.

Each time we get a reminder of Jonathan’s unique medical needs Father, it’s a vibrant flashback to some very scary times.  For the most part, we’ve slipped back into “normality” in regards to his health; sniffles are just sniffles, not a trip to the emergency room at 2AM.  When situations like this come up though, we’re thrust back into the world of the unknown and the “what if” scenarios.  It’s a place we know far too well, and pray often to avoid.

And yet Father, I know in my heart that You’re with him.  And armed with that bit of Truth, those “what ifs” aren’t nearly as frightening as they once were.

I still worry of course.  That’s my job as his father, and I love him dearly.  You’ve entrusted him to our care, and I’ll do whatever is required of me to honor that assignment.  However, knowing that all the while he’s in Your Loving Arms brings amazing peace to my spirit.  Thank You for that confidence Lord.

Heavenly Father, please continue to watch over Jonathan and bring to him Your Healing Touch.  I thank You for the comfort of Your Presence, and pray that all those in need of reassurance can also feel that peace.  Through Your Love Father, “what ifs” can truly become Amens.  Amen.

~Phather Phil

The Best Laid Plans

Dear Lord; Happy Friday Father!

Well Lord, it’s certainly been an eventful week in the Malmstrom household.  Between hectic work schedules, symphony and quartet performances for Shannon, schoolwork and associated activities and then on top of that Shannon and I both getting a respiratory bug yesterday afternoon, we’ve been running non-stop it seems.  This illness nailed us both out of the blue and hit pretty hard, so this evening we’re finally settling down and trying to get some “quiet time”.

I was actually feeling a little down tonight Father.  Being as tomorrow is my birthday, Shannon and I had been planning to go out Saturday evening for a “Date Night”, but with both of us catching this bug we ended up cancelling our plans.  I’d been looking forward to our night out for a couple weeks, so it was a bit of a disappointment when I realized there was no way either of us was up to it.

Sitting around the dinner table this evening, it was a little on the subdued side; with both Shannon and I projecting raspy voices, conversation was somewhat limited.  About half-way through the meal, Shannon gave me a thoughtful look, and handed me a gift bag from across the table.  I protested slightly that my birthday was tomorrow and that I’d wait, but she was insistent so I gave in and took the bag.  Inside was a beautifully romantic birthday card, a FastBreak candy bar, a bag of jelly beans, and this:

I have such an amazing wife Father…   🙂

Heavenly Father, thank You so much for Your Constant Presence in our lives.  Whether we’re healthy, sick, energetic, or tired You remain by our sides, ever-faithful.  As my loving wife’s gift reminded me this evening, our disappointments pale in comparison to the Blessings You grant us each and every day when we choose to see them.  Amen.

~Phather Phil

Thankful Thursdays: Friendships

Dear Lord; Good evening Father!

Following the example I began last week Lord, today I’m celebrating another “Thankful Thursday” here at phatherphil.org.  While I’m truly thankful all week long, I love the idea of spending our time together one day each week focusing my prayers on one particular Blessing that You’ve granted me.  If nothing else, with all the love You’ve shown me Father, I should have enough material for an infinite number of Thursdays!  🙂

“When we consider the blessings of God–the gifts that add beauty and joy to our lives, that enable us to keep going through stretches of boredom and even suffering–friendship is very near the top.” – Donald W. McCullough, Mastering Personal Growth

Friendships have been at the forefront of my heart this past week Lord.  Over the years, you’ve brought some truly amazing and wonderful people into my life.   Some are still nearby, some have moved away and some have passed on to Your Kingdom, but all have left indelible footprints on my path.  From these vessels of Your choosing Lord, I’ve gained wisdom, acceptance, fellowship and encouragement.

You’ve even used technology to connect us Father.  Thanks to the staggering growth of the Internet, it seems as though no corner of the world is outside our reach these days.  Through this conduit, I’ve been Blessed to connect with many beautiful souls whom I likely would never have encountered otherwise.  Your Children in this “global fellowship” give me fresh perspective and inspiration, and have enriched my journey to no end.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for the many friendships and fellowships You’ve Blessed me with.  I am a better man, and a better Child of God for those relationships.

“Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:

If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV)

Amen.

~Phather Phil

Then and Now, Lessons Learned

Dear Lord; Good evening Father!

For some time now Father, I’ve been feeling like You’ve been preparing me for something; teaching me hard lessons, tempering my faith and yet at the same time guiding me towards a destination somewhere “outside my box”.  You’ve whispered messages of encouragement and direction into my heart, but as I called them in yesterday’s chat all those “puzzle pieces” just haven’t quite fit together yet.  You told me there would be change in my life, You told me to “Expect something wonderful” and over and over again You told me to be steadfast and have Faith.  I won’t sugar coat it Lord… The last year or so has been extremely difficult for me.  But Father, somewhere during this time of trials something strange happened…

I found that I actually became more thankful for Your Blessings in my life, and have grown closer to You in the process.

I got to thinking about this quite a bit today, and I realized that it wasn’t the first time You’ve used hardships to teach me something important.  In fact, the first time was what I consider to be the lowest point in my life and at the same time, the beginning of my understanding of what true Blessings are.

On December 14, 1999, you gave to us a wonderful, beautiful little boy whom we named Jonathan.  As we’d been told for years that we couldn’t have our own biological children, Jonathan was deemed our “miracle baby”; little did we know how true that description was.

At Jonathan’s 10-week checkup, the pediatrician noticed that he looked awfully pale so she ordered some blood tests to be done.  A few hours later in a flurry of anxious phone calls we were sent directly to A.I. Dupont Hospital for Children’s Oncology / Hematology department for an emergency appointment.  The next several weeks to follow were to be honest, a blur.  Test after test was done, and yet answers still seemed just out of everyone’s reach while terms like Leukemia, Anemia and Spherocytosis were tossed about between the physicians.  Finally, on March 19^th (coincidentally my 30^th birthday) we were given the grim diagnosis.  Jonathan had a rare disease called Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis, and it had infiltrated multiple systems in his tiny little body.  While the doctors were hesitant to give us any specifics about his prognosis, we were quietly informed that based on how far the disease had spread and the lack of information about it they gave him a 10 to 20% chance at best.

Shannon and I were absolutely devastated.  I was lost Father, and hurt, and angry… oh was I angry.

You had started to bring me to You that day Father, although I didn’t know it at the time.  We spent the majority of our time over the next 14 months living at the hospital, clinging to his life with all we had.  From rounds of chemotherapy and steroids, to surgeries, to recovery protocols we stayed fast and hung our lives on every change in his condition.

I’d love to say that I prayed long, deep, faithful prayers Lord, but we both know that isn’t true.  I was consumed by grief, and anger and fear.  I have no doubt You were trying to talk to me then Father, but I was nothing resembling receptive.

And yet, You never left Jonathan’s side.  I was broken, and lost and still You remained ever-faithful.  Thank You so much for that Father.  🙂

It’s said that hindsight is 20/20, and in this case it’s an apt phrase.  When I look back at that terrifying period of uncertainty in our lives, I realize that I needed to be there.  In the midst of my darkest time, You were waving a lantern; pointing out things that had I not been forced to deal with, I would have never seen.  It was a transformational and pivotal point in my life Lord, and it completely altered the path I’d been on.  The lessons I learned in those years changed me in ways I’m still uncovering today.

Fast forward ten years time…

Life again took a new turn down the road of uncertainty.  Between severe economic nightmares, the unexpected death of my best friend and a seemingly unending set of problems, the last year has been the most stressful period I’ve had since Jonathan’s illness was diagnosed.  This time however, it’s different Father:

I know You’re here with me, ever-faithful, ever-vigilant.  Even in my turmoil, I feel Your Peace.

See Lord, I learn.  🙂

Heavenly Father, I thank You for faithfully guiding me down the path You have laid out for me.  Please keep my eyes open, my ears trained and my heart open for those whisperings You pass to me along the way.  Amen.

~Phather Phil