The Veil of Self-Doubt

Dear Lord; Happy Wednesday Father!

You know Lord, it always brings a smile to my face when I have one of those moments when I realize you’re trying to tell me something.  🙂

I spent some time today with a friend who’s been going through a series of rough personal situations over the last year or so.  I’m not at liberty to go into much detail here as it was a private conversation, but You know who she is Father.  We chatted for a while about the issues she’s been facing, how her life has changed over the past year, and the overall feelings of futility and frustration that have been troubling her as of late.  I tried to give her an outside perspective of things, and reinforced the hope that she could look at these life-changes as opportunities, and to grow stronger from her trials.  She seemed a little more upbeat by the time I left, but she certainly has a winding road ahead of her.

The one thing that stood out for me from our conversation though Father, was the lack of self-worth she portrayed.  She’s a beautiful, sweet, intelligent lady but with all that she’s been through her impression of herself seems to have taken a pretty significant hit.

Back in my office a little later in the day, I sat down to write out some thoughts for today’s discussion with You, and suddenly I had a strong urge to see what I’d posted on this date last year.  Although I hadn’t fully started writing full-length blog entries at that point Father, I was posting some “Quick Notes to God” on my Facebook wall every couple of days.  The entry for August 31, 2010 read:

Dear Lord; Sometimes, when it feels as if the world is on our shoulders, it’s very difficult to see ourselves in a positive light. May all those in the throes of turmoil see themselves, if just for a moment, through Your loving eyes and know that warmth and peace. Amen. ~Phather Phil

I love it when You do this to me Father.  🙂

We all suffer from a lack of confidence and feelings of self-doubt now and again, but there are three very important truths we can use to combat those emotions:

1. We’re not alone.  Friends, family and our Brothers and Sisters in Christ are some of Your most powerful Blessings to us Father.  You gave us one another to lean on in times of trial, to mourn with in sadness, and to celebrate with in times of joy.

2. You believe in us.  We are completely Your creations Lord; fearfully and wonderfully made, and You know what we’re capable of.  Although our flawed natures may allow fear and doubt to creep in, You never lose confidence in us.

3. When we place our burdens at the foot of the Cross, You give us the strength we need.  Sometimes it’s difficult to remember when we’re engulfed by stress, but we’re not meant to do this by ourselves.  You’re bigger than anything we could possibly face, and when we open our hearts to Your guidance, we find the path forward.

Heavenly Father, please help us pierce the veil of self-doubt that can cloud our perception of ourselves.  Wrap us in Your presence, and let us move forward with the knowledge that through all the trials we face in our lives, You’re always by our side.

We are special, we are loved, and we are Yours Father.

Amen.

~Phather Phil

Praying in Arrogance

Dear Lord; Happy Tuesday Father!

I love when You place things on my heart Lord… I gain so much perspective from those moments.

As You know, I’ve been in “worry mode” lately Father; worried about the business not doing as well as I’d like, worried about the kids being prepared to go back to school, worried about not having medical insurance at the moment, and worried that all this worrying is getting in the way of my hearing You clearly.  And although I’m usually able to squelch those feelings by focusing on the many Blessings in my life, I’ll admit to having allowed those negative emotions to overwhelm me more than once in recent days.  This morning was one of those instances.

Thankfully, You decided it was time to get my attention.

Driving to an appointment this morning, my thoughts were churning; systematically cycling through all of the complications the past month had brought.  I felt weighted, and edgy, and my temples throbbed in sympathetic rhythm with my pounding chest.  I’d almost reached my destination, when You abruptly interrupted my train of thought…

“Turn your worries into prayers.”  You whispered.

“But I have prayed about them…” I thought to myself.  “Haven’t I??”

And then the light bulb went off… Ouch.

I realized that although I’ve been praying Father, it’s not always been from the right perspective.  Instead of first giving You thanks, and then praying for Your direction in fulfilling Your desires for my life, I’ve instead allowed my worries, fears and anxieties to dictate my prayers.  I’ve prayed for what I believed would be the best solutions to my problems, when I should have placed these situations fully in Your hands, and listened for Your guidance as to the proper path to take.  I was praying for what I wanted to happen, instead of to be a part of what You wanted to happen.

I hadn’t realized I was praying in arrogance Father…  Please forgive me.

Heavenly Father, please fill me with Your divine perspective that I may look to Your counsel first, and then act on Your behalf.  I’m very much a work in progress Lord, and my deepest desire is to grow closer to You with each passing day.

More of You Father… Less of me.

In Jesus’ Name we pray,

Amen.

~Phather Phil

Meditations Monday: Gentle Instruction

Dear Lord; Happy Meditations Monday Father!

Well Father, life is beginning to return to normal here in Delaware following the excitement surrounding Hurricane Irene this past weekend.  And while this particular storm wasn’t nearly as powerful as many that strike other parts of the country, for an underprepared East Coast which seldom sees weather of that nature, it was a challenge nonetheless.  Needless to say Lord, it made for an eventful weekend and one we won’t forget anytime soon.  For those dealing with damage, pain or loss from this climactic onslaught, I pray that You keep them intently in Your gaze and bring them the comfort and healing only Your presence is able to.

This week’s Meditations Monday Scripture comes from the second chapter of 2^nd Timothy:

“Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.  And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.  Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.” – 2 Timothy 2:23-26 (NIV)

Well Father, the Apostle Paul certainly wasn’t subtle about Your will on this particular subject, and yet this is one of those “problem areas” that I know we’re all guilty of upon occasion.  Paul’s point that the nit-picking, “little” things we choose to let get under our skin, more often than not lead only to ungodly conflict.  And when we allow ourselves to be a part of such unimportant disagreements, we stray from Your desire as to how we should act towards others; with kindness, patience and respect.  I know that over the years I’ve certainly lost my composure with people more than a few times Father, and in doing so I failed to take advantage of those opportunities to show Your influence in my life.

It’s something I’ll be praying about this week Lord…

Heavenly Father,

As we begin this new week, please help focus our hearts and minds to best serve Your will for us.  Calm our tumultuous natures, and guide us to provide that “gentle instruction” to those around us that are in need of Your light.

Amen.

~Phather Phil

Thankful Thursday: On Our Toes

Dear Lord; Happy Thankful Thursday Father!

Well Father, You’re certainly providing us with an eventful week here in Delaware.  Between the earthquake that we experienced on Tuesday and the impending arrival of hurricane Irene this weekend, we’re very much “on our toes” around here.  And while we’ll of course be preparing as best we can for the potential effects of the storm, my fears are allayed by the knowledge that we’re in Your capable hands.

It’s been a slightly stressful week for me Lord, however as always Your Blessings in my life shine through that haze.  To continue my Thankful Thursday list, this week I’m especially grateful for:

211. The sounds of crickets serenading me as I sit on our deck at night.

212. Jonathan and Aidan having a great first day back at school.

213. Shannon having a wonderful first day of work.

214. A smooth server installation for a new client today.

215. No damage or injuries from the earthquake that happened this week.

216. The soothing effect Praise Music has on Jonathan when he’s stressed.

217. Feeling more “in-tune” with Your Presence each day.

218. A significant surge in business this past week.

219. Having a dedicated Service Manager (and close friend) who keeps my business going.

220. Melatonin supplements to help with getting my sleep cycle back on track.

221. Fabric Softener.

222. The inner peace I draw from Your Presence.

223. Port wine cheese spread on Ritz crackers.

224. The fact that my kids still like to snuggle up with me.  🙂

225. Neighbors that keep a watchful eye on our home, and let us know when they see something that may be wrong.

And I’m just getting started Father.  🙂

Heavenly Father, I pray that the peace of Your presence is felt by all those gripped by fear as this hurricane heads towards us.  Please keep those in harm’s way in Your watchful gaze, and bring us all safely through the storm.

In Jesus’ Name we pray,

Amen.

~Phather Phil

Our Spiritual Surge Suppressor

Dear Lord; Happy Friday Father!

Wow Lord… What a hectic day it’s been!  As I’m sure You’re aware, we had some violent thunderstorms roll through here last night which always causes a “surge” (pun intended) in business the next day.  In this instance, one of my clients took a spike which routed through their network wiring, killing off five machines and several pieces of infrastructure hardware… Not a pretty picture.  As I was surveying and extracting the damaged equipment for repair this morning, it got me thinking that sin works very much like that surge…

Once we allow sin to enter our lives, it runs rampant, corrupting and damaging everything else it can.

Now, in this client’s case there was very little they could have done to prevent this particular hit from doing damage; we’re very much the same way with regards to sin.  While as Christians, we try to avoid sin wherever we can, we’re certainly not always successful.  It’s a constant battle in our souls Father; the pull of our corrupted, sinful natures versus the righteousness of Your Spirit within us.  Thankfully, with Jesus Christ as our “Spiritual Surge Suppressor”, we have the protection we need to arrest sin’s progress in us so we can best operate as You intend.

Heavenly Father, as we go into the weekend we thank You for all the Blessings You’ve surrounded us with this week.  I pray that for all of life’s “surges” that present themselves, we remember to place our trust in the One that can see us through the storms safely.

In Jesus’ Name we pray,

Amen.

~Phather Phil