The Veil of Self-Doubt

Dear Lord; Happy Wednesday Father!

You know Lord, it always brings a smile to my face when I have one of those moments when I realize you’re trying to tell me something.  🙂

I spent some time today with a friend who’s been going through a series of rough personal situations over the last year or so.  I’m not at liberty to go into much detail here as it was a private conversation, but You know who she is Father.  We chatted for a while about the issues she’s been facing, how her life has changed over the past year, and the overall feelings of futility and frustration that have been troubling her as of late.  I tried to give her an outside perspective of things, and reinforced the hope that she could look at these life-changes as opportunities, and to grow stronger from her trials.  She seemed a little more upbeat by the time I left, but she certainly has a winding road ahead of her.

The one thing that stood out for me from our conversation though Father, was the lack of self-worth she portrayed.  She’s a beautiful, sweet, intelligent lady but with all that she’s been through her impression of herself seems to have taken a pretty significant hit.

Back in my office a little later in the day, I sat down to write out some thoughts for today’s discussion with You, and suddenly I had a strong urge to see what I’d posted on this date last year.  Although I hadn’t fully started writing full-length blog entries at that point Father, I was posting some “Quick Notes to God” on my Facebook wall every couple of days.  The entry for August 31, 2010 read:

Dear Lord; Sometimes, when it feels as if the world is on our shoulders, it’s very difficult to see ourselves in a positive light. May all those in the throes of turmoil see themselves, if just for a moment, through Your loving eyes and know that warmth and peace. Amen. ~Phather Phil

I love it when You do this to me Father.  🙂

We all suffer from a lack of confidence and feelings of self-doubt now and again, but there are three very important truths we can use to combat those emotions:

1. We’re not alone.  Friends, family and our Brothers and Sisters in Christ are some of Your most powerful Blessings to us Father.  You gave us one another to lean on in times of trial, to mourn with in sadness, and to celebrate with in times of joy.

2. You believe in us.  We are completely Your creations Lord; fearfully and wonderfully made, and You know what we’re capable of.  Although our flawed natures may allow fear and doubt to creep in, You never lose confidence in us.

3. When we place our burdens at the foot of the Cross, You give us the strength we need.  Sometimes it’s difficult to remember when we’re engulfed by stress, but we’re not meant to do this by ourselves.  You’re bigger than anything we could possibly face, and when we open our hearts to Your guidance, we find the path forward.

Heavenly Father, please help us pierce the veil of self-doubt that can cloud our perception of ourselves.  Wrap us in Your presence, and let us move forward with the knowledge that through all the trials we face in our lives, You’re always by our side.

We are special, we are loved, and we are Yours Father.

Amen.

~Phather Phil

Meditations Monday: Our Darkest Hour

Dear Lord; Happy Meditations Monday Father!

Well Father, it certainly was a busy weekend, but all-in-all a wonderful couple days’ time spent enjoying time with family and good friends.  With Jonathan still at Kamp and Aidan spending the night with friends, Shannon and I got to go out Friday evening for a fun “date night” (I so love “dating” my wife Lord…).  Saturday morning we picked up Aidan, and spent the remainder of the morning attending the closing ceremonies at Kay’s Kamp.  We got some quiet time to rest Saturday afternoon, and then headed out to have dinner with a group of our friends.  It rained much of the evening, but we had an absolutely wonderful time nonetheless.  Sunday morning we braved the downpour to attend morning services at Ewell’s St. Paul United Methodist Church, and enjoyed jubilant music, a wonderful Message from Pastor Kris and the fellowship of our church family.  We managed to catch up on a little housework while relaxing the remainder of the day, and concluded the weekend with a tasty dinner out together at a new Mexican restaurant in Smyrna.  As I said before Lord, it was a hectic few days, but one that was truly filled with Your Blessings… Thank You!

Today’s Meditations Monday Scripture comes from Paul’s Epistle to the Ephesians, Chapter 2.  This morning while driving into the office, I heard an extremely inspiring story on 88.7 The Bridge which truly touched my heart.  They played an interview with a young lady who is currently facing her own mortality due to an uncontrolled cancer that has now spread to her brain.  Instead of dwelling in her suffering, she’s instead focusing on Your Blessings in her life, and lifted praises to You as she was baptized yesterday.  It was a humbling message of Faith Father, and it led me to the verse choice I’m praying on this morning:

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.  For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” – Ephesians 2:8-10 (NIV)

So often when we get into situations that cause us pain, or discomfort, or even just inconvenience we develop “spiritual short-sightedness”, and mire ourselves down in our burdens rather than allowing those trials to strengthen our Faith, and to draw us closer to You.  I pray that we can all learn from her courageous example Father, and seek You even in our darkest hour.

Heavenly Father, I lift my voice in praise for the Blessings You bring to our lives each day.  I pray that Your comforting embrace continues to be felt by Kim and her family during this difficult season, and that they can draw strength from the knowledge that You’re always with them.

In Jesus’ Name we pray,

Amen.

~Phather Phil

The Power of a Dream

Dear Lord; Happy Wednesday Father!

Today Father, my heart is virtually overflowing from this morning’s experience.

As I mentioned last week, through the kindness of the Kaylyn Elaine Warren Foundation I had made arrangements to attend “Media Day” at Kay’s Kamp today, so I could see first-hand what this unique camp is all about.

Kay’s Kamp is currently the only pediatric oncology camp in Delaware.  It’s the realization of a vision held by Kaylyn Elaine Warren, who left this earth to join You in March of 2007 at the tender age of 18.  While going through treatment for leukemia herself, she learned first-hand the effects that battling a life-threatening illness can have on the world of a child.  With that thought in mind, she envisioned a way for other children in that situation to have a place to revel in their childhood; to spend time not focusing on survival, but on being a child and living.  When Kaylyn left to be with You Father, the torch was taken up by her family and close friends who formed the Kaylyn Elaine Warren Foundation in her loving memory, and began the long journey of making Kaylyn’s dream a reality.

Kay’s Kamp opened for the first time on August 8, 2009, and has been an amazing Blessing for the children they’ve hosted each year.  Since Jonathan attended that first year, we’ve come to think of these people as family Lord, and I thank You from the bottom of my heart for bringing us together.  It’s a testament to Your love that the selfless vision of one sick young girl could bring such light, laughter and hope to so many others.

And today, I got a wonderful opportunity to see the love they bring to these children.  🙂

As Jonathan had attended Kamp for two years already, I thought I had some concept of what was involved… I wasn’t even close.

As I drove onto the beautiful grounds of Saint Andrew’s School where Kamp is currently being held, I was immediately overwhelmed by the sight I beheld.  The main field was full of blue-shirted Kampers and staff, all standing around a huge multi-colored hot air balloon.

As a surprise for the children, the Kamp planners had arranged for hot air balloon rides and they were in the process of rotating the kids through their turns.  When the breeze kicked up making further rides impossible, the Kampers paused for some quick photos and then were whisked off to the main building for the rest of the day’s activities.

In the watchful company of one of the Kamp’s wonderful staff, I spent the rest of the morning going between buildings, and experiencing some of the myriad of well-coordinated activities they filled the children’s days with.  From arts and crafts projects, to a brainstorming session for the Kamp’s daily newsletter, to splashing around in the beautiful indoor pool, the Kampers were kept well entertained and cared for by the tireless and devoted Kamp Staff.

On every Kamper’s face I saw nothing but smiles, reflecting joyful memories that I know they’ll take with them when Kamp ends this Saturday.

On the way out, I got the opportunity to stop by “The Zoo” (the Kamp Medical facility), and spoke with Mary Ellen McKnight who heads and coordinates the medical staff that resides there throughout the week.  Although certainly tired from the week’s activities, like every other staff member I encountered today she was positively beaming about the experience and couldn’t say enough about how thankful she felt to be involved with such a worthwhile endeavor, and such wonderful people.

All in all Father, it was a joyous and humbling visit.  I was absolutely Blessed by the experience.

Heavenly Father, I thank You for the wondrous gifts You bestow on these children through the selfless efforts of the Kaylyn Elaine Warren Foundation.  Please continue to Bless them on this inspired mission, and allow the light You shine through their efforts to be sent out to the world through the children they serve.

In Jesus’ Name we pray,

Amen.

~Phather Phil

Meditations Monday: Building Others Up

Dear Lord; Happy Meditations Monday Father!

First off Lord, I want to begin the week by thanking You for all the Blessings You granted us this past weekend.  The medication the veterinarian put Merlin on seems to have abated the seizures, and although the effects are still taking their toll, he’s made a marked improvement.  Saturday night Shannon got to go out with her mother and uncle to see a musical production of “Kiss Me Kate” held at Longwood Gardens, and the boys and I got some time to “hang out” and do some fun cooking with friends.  And Sunday after church we delivered Jonathan to Kay’s Kamp for his week away, and then spent the rest of the day relaxing together at home.  All in all Father, it was a wonderful weekend’s respite and I thank You for that time!

Today’s Meditations Monday Scripture comes from Paul’s Epistle to the Ephesians, Chapter 4:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. – Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

You got me this morning on this one Lord.  Driving into work I was running a little behind and the car in front of me was crawling along a bit under the speed limit…

“I wish these people would learn how to drive!” I exclaimed.

“Phil… You know better.” You whispered back.

Busted.

You’ve actually been correcting me along these lines quite a bit lately Father, and it’s been humbling as to how often I find myself saying or thinking unkind or unflattering things about other people.  I allow personal frustrations such as being a little late for work to set the tone in my head, and like a weed in a flower bed the negative feelings spread to the rest of my thoughts.  Little moments like this morning’s outburst, although no one was there to hear it (except You of course…), still serve to poison our spirit and can further affect other parts of our lives.

Thankfully, Your gentle reminders to keep my mood in check have helped me to make a positive change in that respect.  There is however, certainly still room for improvement, as this morning’s experience displayed.  🙂

Heavenly Father, as we begin this new week please help us to shine Your Light to those around us, not mire them in the grey clouds of our own inner conflicts.  Our words are powerful influencers Lord, and I pray that You guide our usage of them to best encourage and support Your Children.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. – James 1:19-20 (NIV)

Amen.

~Phather Phil

Thankful Thursday: Through the Haze

Dear Lord; Happy Thankful Thursday Father!

Today Father, my thoughts are scattered.  While I slept reasonably well (five hours or so), I awoke feeling a bit on the “cloudy” side and I haven’t been able to shake it as of yet.  Funny enough however, even with my focus not being overly sharp I’ve had no problem putting together today’s Thankful Thursday Blessings list.  I love the fact that even when my human frailties present themselves, Your Blessings in my life still shine through the haze.  🙂

Continuing my list from last week Lord, this week I’m especially thankful for…

166. Having Shannon’s mother visiting with us for a few weeks.

167. Unexpected funds showing up exactly when we needed it.

168. New beginnings.

169. An “everything looks fine” report from Jonathan’s MRI.

170. A short break from the oppressively hot weather.

171. Your faithfulness to Your Children, even in our brokenness.

172. Connecting with others in ministry to support one another.

173. Finding deep-discounted treasures in the Christian Music section of a bookstore that’s going out of business.

174. “Tickle Monster” fights with the kids.

175. The Glo Bible Application for my computers.

176. Fresh sweet corn given away by a local farmer.

177. The calming voice of reason from good friends.

178. Ten years of “Normality”.

179. Quality free, open source photo editing and manipulation software.

180. Snuggling up with Shannon at night and watching episodes of classic TV programs.

Heavenly Father, once again I lift up my thanks and praise for the Blessings You surround us with each day; both those that are tangible, and those that remain silently unseen.  Keep us in Your watchful gaze, and guide our actions to best serve Your divine plan for our lives.  Amen.

~Phather Phil