My Heart Cries for Her

Dear Lord; Happy Tuesday Father!

A couple weeks ago Lord, I spoke with You at length about one of the children from Kay’s Kamp and how he was desperately in need of Your Presence.  Well, as I know You’re aware his physical condition has since declined, and he’s not been doing well as of late.

This evening, I read a new entry from his mother’s journal at CaringBridge.org and it brought me to tears.  It was posted on Mother’s Day, and reading it I felt her frustration, and her pain, and her anguish at watching her son endure these trials.

I’ve been where she is… And my heart cries for her Lord.

I know that we don’t have the “Big Picture” Father, and that while on this Earth we never will.  I know that all throughout our times of pain, and suffering, and grief that You’re by our side, whether we see that at the time, or not.  I know that You love us more than we can possibly comprehend Lord…

But my heart cries for her all the same.

When Your plan for our family led us to these remarkable children Father, I knew I had been forever altered.  I see things now that I could never have even begun to comprehend before, and yet I still feel like I have so much to learn.  My eyes and heart have been opened in ways that only You understand, but I have so far left to travel in Your Service.  I know of Your Wonder and Infinite Love for us all…

And yet my heart cries for her all the same.

Heavenly Father, please bring Your Healing and Comfort to this little boy and his mother.  They’re tired Lord, and frightened, and in desperate need of Your Divine Presence.  Whatever Your Plan is for them Father, please let them feel Your Loving Arms about them and know Your Peace.  Amen.

~Phather Phil

P.S. The journal and information on this courageous little boy and his mother can be found at : http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/dorianh.  Please keep them in your prayers during this difficult time.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Dear Lord; Good evening Father!

Decisions; life is full of them.  Every single day we’re called upon to make choices that impact our lives, and in many cases the lives of those around us.  Some are small, simple ones such as what to have for lunch (although that never seems to be simple in my office for some reason…), and others, well, are not so simple.  Either way, our lives are shaped by the decisions we make, and the paths we follow.

Case in point:

My wife Shannon is in the throes of a fairly significant decision; one that could have both short and long-term consequences, but also the potential for significant life-changing benefits.  Like all choices of this kind, there are a number of back-and-forth arguments on both sides of the equation, making the correct path less than obvious.  Sitting down with her and talking about it this evening, we hashed it out from nearly every side we could come up with, and in the end were left with a couple piles of “what if” scenarios.  Finally, I asked her a simple question;

Have you prayed about it?

She indicated she had, and that during that discussion with You Father, You told her to follow her heart.  While I believe she would have preferred a “Do this and everything will work out.” answer, You instead left her to determine what her heart truly is leading her to do, and the knowledge that You’re behind her when she does.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” – James 1:5-6 (NIV)

I think that a great many of Your answers to our prayers are like this Lord.  We’ve become a “quick fix” society and want instant solutions to our problems, but You instead use these crossroads in our lives to help us to grow and to learn.  Just because You don’t give us concrete answers to our pleas doesn’t mean You don’t have the solutions, simply that we need to pay closer attention to Your Truths and use those resources to do what we know to be right.

Heavenly Father, please guide and enlighten us to make the decisions that best serve Your Plan for us.  Please help filter out the “noise” around us which can lead us astray, and allow us to focus on Your Voice so as to choose the best path forward.  Amen.

~Phather Phil

Only What the Lord Says

Dear Lord; Happy Monday Father!

As I’ve discussed with You before Father, I’ve been spending time reading through the Old Testament as of late.  I’m not sure exactly why I’ve been drawn to these Books at this point in time, but I’m picking up perspectives I’ve missed in the past and a new sense of “origin” that’s added structure to my knowledge of You.  It always fascinates me how as I read, certain passages “speak” to me, and I’d like to go over one such section if I may.

The passages I’m referring to occur in the Book of Numbers, and describe an interaction between Balaam and King Balak following Balaam’s blessing of the Israelites for a third time, instead of cursing them as Balak had brought him to do.  In this dialogue, Balaam is dealing with a very frazzled Balak:

“Then Balak’s anger burned against Balaam. He struck his hands together and said to him, “I summoned you to curse my enemies, but you have blessed them these three times.  Now leave at once and go home! I said I would reward you handsomely, but the Lord has kept you from being rewarded.”

Balaam answered Balak, “Did I not tell the messengers you sent me, ‘Even if Balak gave me all the silver and gold in his palace, I could not do anything of my own accord, good or bad, to go beyond the command of the Lord—and I must say only what the Lord says’?” – Numbers 24:10-13 (NIV)

Now, Balaam initially set out on this job led by greed to get paid for cursing the enemies of the king, but was quickly reminded that You run the show and was instead brought into Your service.  In the end, his eyes were opened and he not only stood firm against the king by prophesying success for the Israelites, but also through the Spirit foretold of Balak’s fate as well.

Balaam learned his lesson; Your Voice is the one we need to heed, not those around us.  When all is said and done, Your Will is the only Truth.

Such a simple, but essential and fundamental lesson that is Father!  May we all go forward with the conviction You gave to Balaam on that day, and maintain Your Truth in our hearts.

Amen.

~Phather Phil

Angels in Waiting

Dear Lord; Happy Wednesday Father!

This evening Lord, my heart is heavy.

As we’ve discussed a number of times before, a huge Blessing in Jonathan’s life over the last couple years has been his involvement with Kay’s Kamp.  It’s a wonderful organization, and it’s meant so much to Jonathan to have that connection with children who share and understand his medical situation.  The bonds he’s formed with that group have been amazing, and we’re very thankful to be part of their “family”.

Over the rest of the year when Kamp isn’t in session, the Kay’s Kamp staff is wonderful about keeping everyone in contact with each other, and in passing along any important events that may occur so that everyone can come together when needed.  Today, I heard from them… and it wasn’t happy news.

One of the Kampers’ medical condition has deteriorated, and he and his mother are in need of Your Comfort Father.

Whenever we come up against news like this, it hits us extremely hard Lord.  We’ve worn those shoes, and I believe it’s one of the most difficult things that anyone can deal with in this lifetime.  When I received the email, past realities flooded back to me and my heart caved knowing what they must be feeling.  Although we’ve been truly Blessed that Jonathan’s disease has stayed in remission so far, the fact it still lives in him becomes much more real when we see others in that situation suffering.  I realize we don’t have the “Big Picture” Father, and that You’re still in control even in cases like this, but those answers can seem very distant when our spirit cries for those in pain.

Heavenly Father, please bring Your Divine Healing to this little one and his mother.  Let them know Your Love and Comfort, and the Eternal Hope that Christ brought to us all.  Your Light is strong in these families Lord, and I pray that they see it and feel Your Peace in this time of turmoil and darkness.  Amen.

~Phather Phil

P.S. For further information on this remarkable little boy and his struggle, they have a web page at: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/dorianh .  Please pray for them.

Second Guessing Our Blessings

Dear Lord; Good evening Father!

As You’re aware Father, I’ve struggled with high blood pressure for quite some years now.  It’s one of the few true health issues I’ve had, but has always been reasonably well controlled through medication.  Therefore, other than the ritual of taking my pill each day I’ve for the most part been able to forget that the problem exists.

Until a month ago.

Due to a series of unfortunate circumstances, Shannon and I lost our health care insurance effective the beginning of April.  We’ve been researching a number of options to correct it, but so far none have been found that fits our needs or our budget.  Thankfully, Shannon’s medications are all generics and therefore reasonable to purchase without the insurance, however my blood pressure prescription is not which makes it a bit expensive.  On top of that, our Primary Care Physician closed his practice at the end of February, so my options for looking into alternate medications are extremely limited.  Weighing all these items in my head, I therefore made a decision to try and go without the blood pressure pills for a while, and see how I made out.

This was not one of my better ideas Father.

Over the course of the next couple weeks, my BP slowly began to rise and I started reverting to the pre-medication days where ringing in my ears, headaches and uncomfortable chest pains were the norm.  I of course prayed for relief Lord, oh I prayed, but the symptoms continued to get worse.

Then I realized Father, You’d already given me relief, I’d just decided to stop taking advantage of it.

Your solution for me hadn’t changed Father, I was simply trying to second guess You by looking for an “easier” option.  Just because the remedy was a more difficult path than it used to be didn’t mean it still wasn’t the proper choice.  As the Apostle Paul reminded us in First Corinthians:

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV)

Needless to say, I went and bought the medication and started taking it last Saturday.  It’ll take a week or so to level me out again, but I’ve already started feeling somewhat better.

Heavenly Father, please help me keep focused on Your Blessings and true plan for me each day.  Guide my decisions to honor Your Will, and direct my gaze to not seek answers outside Your Wishes.  Amen.

~Phather Phil